now playing: melanie doane, “i can’t take my eyes off you”
there was a blog that i used to link to a while back that got lost in one of my template rennovations – today i had occasion to seek it out again, because i felt as though i found today’s candidate on my sojourn across the street at lunchtime.
the title of the blog was people who deserve a beatdown. after my experience today, i felt compelled to hunt it down again, and sure enough – it’s still there in all its sarcastic, irreverent glory.
were i a contributor, todays’ entry would read something like this:
parked in the front of redners’ warehouse market in a spot specifically reserved for “elderly and expectant mothers only”, there sits a white chrysler minivan with the windows rolled down (it’s barely cracking 50 degrees, by the way), with AC/DC blasting from within its bowels. in the drivers’ seat there sat a thirty-something lifelong NASCAR enthusiast who was obviously taking a break from his pizza delivery route or his job at the 7-11 counter…you see guys like this all the time around here – his profile was something akin to an eggplant with arms…not a single curve from his chin to his beltline, ever expanding downward. bald on the top, mullet sprouts in back, scraggly beard.
and here sits this guy, windows down in his minivan (the sheer antithesis of rock and roll, in and of itself), elbow out the window of his LoveMachine, blasting his preference in music for the benefit of all the centenarian bingo rangers who frequent the store at that time of day. i didn’t see a handicapped placard or plate on it, but i’m assuming that his malignant flabbanoma might’ve qualified him to park where he was. because, to the best of my knowledge, ignorance hasn’t been declared a handicap yet.
when that happens, they’ll have to blue-line the first three rows of parking spots in just about every lot in this county.
i smiled as i walked past the Bouncin’ Jukebox Of Love back to work, picturing myself pulling the “elderly and expectant mothers only” sign up from the asphalt, bruce banner style, and beating him about the head and non-existent shoulders with it.
being stupid, in and of itself, is bad enough. when you have to go out in public and wave your stupid flag for all the world to see…then you deserve a beat down.