you’re not paranoid if they really are out to get you…

now playing: charlie heffley, “conquering the world”

ok, first things first…you’re gonna get a kick out of this:

me: hello?

user: yeah, hi tom – this is mike. listen…how do i keep my psycho ex-girlfriend from seeing where i’ve been on the internet with my laptop?

me: you’re bullshittin’ me, right?

user: no, man…she got in there and she must be some kinda computer wiz or somethin’, ‘cuz she saw all my email and where i’d been on the internet and….

me: ok, wait wait wait wait…dude, how did she get your laptop?

user: well, she was over and we were talkin’ (yeah, right, you were talkin’…) and i left the room for a minute and when i came back she was bitchin’ about who i was emailin’ and all that…does the internet record every move you make or what? (no…but your computer does, homer.)

me: well, you can run through a half dozen clicks or so to get rid of that stuff, but dude – i’m still back on page one, here…why is your so-called psycho ex-girlfriend on your laptop, man?

user: well, how do i get rid of the stuff?

me: dude, you’re not hearin’ me. i can tell you how to get rid of the stuff, but don’t you think you need to address her bein’ able to get her hands on your machine first? i mean…next, you’ll be askin’ me how to keep your rapist babysitter from hittin’ on your kids, man!

monday isn’t even over yet, and i already have my tech support Call Of The Week.

jayda’s had a pretty rough week…she’s had a perpetual upset stomach since last week, and we had a little Incident when i took her for her allergy shots on thursday…

we went to lunch and – i do remember – she made mention in passing of the fact that she was convinced that bugs were conspiring against her, but i just kinda took it in and let it go.

so we got in the car to head to the doctors’ office, and she felt something strange between her heel and her flip-flop, and – of course – it turned out to be one of those creepy-assed thousandlegger bugs that’s not really a centipede, but something else that i can’t really put a name to.

so of course, she freaks out, pulls her foot from the shoe and folds both of her legs under her in the seat…then she reaches down and picks the bug-heavy shoe up from the floorboard and went to shake the bug off her shoe out the window.

now, i don’t know if she let go of the shoe out of sheer terror or if the wind took command and wrestled it loose..but either way, the shoe flew out the window and onto the asphalt in the middle of state road 422. all the while, she’s both laughing and crying at the same time…and completely freaked out by the whole bug thing.

i had pulled over and back out onto the road in the opposite direction….i pulled into the turn lane next to the shoe, and got out and grabbed it while we were both laughing hysterically. i didn’t even look at the shoe too closely as i got back into the car, and i casually tossed it to her as i pulled the door closed behind me and started back towards the doctors’ office….

fast forward about 3.6 seconds to a second scream…and i look over to see that the little bastard is still clinging to her shoe for dear life. it was still on there.

now, up to this point, i was just annoyed with it…but now, i was actually impressed. not impressed enough not to make insect soup out of it and remove it from the food chain once and for all, though.

goodbye bug. daughter happy.

well, not happy, per se…but at least a teensy bit calmer.

check out my boy mike campbell on the cover of this months’ guitar player. nice article on him and his boss…check out the pic of what i’m assuming is their rehearsal studio. holy SHIT.

doin’ my best, man.

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