now playing: the throbbing inside my head
so…it’s now 1:42 am. if i make it to 2:30am, it’ll be an even 44 hours straight that i’ve been awake and conscious. i think that might be a new record for me. i don’t remember ever being awake for almost two days straight.
right now, i’m sitting upright in my bed, with my laptop, with the strains of what i’m assuming to be neil youngs’ version of all along the watchtower coming up through the floor. my buddy mitch is downstairs, on the sofa, catching some tv before he falls asleep. mitch and i have kicked some mighty formidable ass today. tony came over as well, to help move the vast amount of equipment in the studio from the house to storage until the new studio space is ready. mitch has been at this for almost twelve hours…but considering that i started moving stuff over well before this time yesterday, it’s become a routine thing for me. the ten foot by twenty foot space is packed…PACKED…with musical equipment.
after we made our last run, mitch and i decided to take a walk up to flanagans’ pub for a couple of beers. when we got there, my ex-niece cory and my ex-nephew andy were there…andy with his spouse, cory by herself (since todd is out on tour with frog holler right now…anyway, we had gone in to pick up a six pack to go and hit the road, but we’ve just gotten home.
so now – i’m sleep deprived as well as shitfaced.
i vaguely remember going to the same place at about the same time of year last year and coming home with the same end result and going to sleep in the basement, because my house felt like such an awful place to be.
and hell…who am i kidding? it was.
today has been quite an adventure, though…for all of us.
i didn’t know how much of this i’d be eventually capable of. but i kicked it in the ass.
now…after a multi-hour heart to heart with mitch, i’m going to call it quits.
see you all later.
i wish i had something to say to you all about my situation right now…but firstly, i don’t know that it’s a good idea to talk about when i’m trashed, and secondly, i don’t know if i have the energy for it.
today i went to work late because i was listening to one of my lame-assed mix tapes…and on comes jackson browne. he sings the lines:
“maybe the hardest thing i’ve ever done is to walk away from you….
leaving behind the life that we’d begun…i split myself in two…..”
i sat in my car listening to the song, feeling the knot in my stomach and the lump in my throat…it took me a few minutes to get myself together and go inside.
every day, from here on out, is going to be taken on its own terms, i think.
i’m going to sleep now before i give too much attention to this feeling that i might need to hurl.