a new corporate holiday

i, your humble IT technician, do hereby declare today, the fourth day of january in the year of our lord 2006, to be Stupid Question Day.

henceforth, on this day, you will be not only allowed but encouraged to come up to me and say ignorant shit like this:

“i just saved a spreadsheet and now i can’t find it.”

ever hear of the search button, dick? and you’re supposed to be an engineer?

“i got an error in my email program this morning when i tried to open an appointment.”

me: what did it say?

“i don’t know.”

then i don’t know what to tell you about how to fix your problem, captain specific. now get the hell outta my office!

“i’m leaving for vacation soon. what do i do so that i can take my laptop with me?”

(backstory: this user has had his company-issued laptop for almost two years now. in that time, it has never once left its docking station. about a month ago, i went to this users’ home to work on his personal laptop, at which time i set it up with VPN access and company email. so now, of course, he wants to take his other laptop with him.

no, this isn’t mixerman, and no, i’m not capable of making this kinda shit up…)

(in response to email about new spam filter interface): “so if i don’t want it anymore, do i delete it?”

no, don’t delete it…print 4500 copies of it, bind them together with duct tape, and beat yourself over the head with it until you forget my goddamn phone number.

in all seriousness, i’m not sure what’s wrong with the people in this building today – it’s as if all capability for logic or deductive reasoning has been sucked out through the HVAC ducts or something. i mean, there’s always one or two of those kinds of questions thrown into the mix over the course of a week, but every one of these scenarios has occured before lunch today.

ok. i already feel much better, just by virture of having written this down.

all better now. nothing to see here.

just walk softly if you’re coming down the hallway towards my space with a goofy-assed question.

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