now playing: marty higgins, “driving her home”
i think the hardest thing about letting too much time go by between entries is the overwhelming nature of what to write once you sit down to resume your routine…do you try to touch on everything that’s happened, or do you just take up where you stand and go from there?
i don’t really have an answer to that question, but for once, i’m not going to let that keep me from trying to trudge through an entry for once. i’ve started several, and finished none…ranging in subject matter from why i’ve had a hard time sitting down and collecting my thoughts of late to the usual updates from everyones’ lives around me to just general rambling…and all of those entries are flying around on flashdrives in unfinished form, waiting to be posted but unfinished nonetheless.
i’ll admit to thinking a lot about shutting this down over the course of the past couple of weeks, for various reasons – from a general sense of discomfort with the number of people who stop here on a regular basis to a creeping laziness, where sitting down and collecting my thoughts is concerned. but the fact is, i’m not really so much uncomfortable with people stopping here and reading my thoughts (no matter how personal they might be)…i just always find myself a little unsettled when i bump into someone and they tell me that they read my journal all the time. i don’t know why it is that this rattles me, but it feels strange to hear that from people…i’ve always thought of this as my little private space, somehow. i know how completely delusional it must sound to say that i post things on the internet and then consider them private, but it’s always felt like a small group of people here, in terms of who leaves comments and the like. then i take a look at the counter and realize that this couldn’t possibly be true.
but i’ve always tried to walk this imaginary line, where this space is concerned…and i’ve tried to be as personally honest as i can…which is to say, make statements about my own feelings, my own experiences, my own “stuff”, and to have whatever drama that readers might siphon from all this to be from my own perspective, and not to point fingers, to call names, or to rant too excessively (except where certain political figures are concerned…then all bets are off). so i’m going to try to continue to be personally honest, and to try and avoid the temptation to censor myself when things become uncomfortable for me. i also have to respect the wishes and the feelings of others who’ve made it clear to me that they’re not necessarily interested in having their roles in my life laid bare before the cyber-masses. there are times when it’s hard to tell my own story without bringing others into it, but i will do so in order to preserve the peace, as it were.
anyway, there’s a lot that’s happened over the course of the past few weeks, but for right now, there are two things that i’ve seen just today that i seem most inclined to share here…
on the way back from lunch today, i saw written in three foot high letters on the concrete beneath an overpass, the words “i still love you”.
even though i had no role in that whatsoever, it still warmed the bowels of my heart.
on the way to work this morning, i saw a glaring testament to optimism and faith.
a man, easily in his mid-to-late fifties, wearing the most hideous hairpiece i’d ever seen…
…driving his convertible – FAST – with the top down.
as soon as something resembling an opportunity comes about, i’ll try to recap some of the past few weeks’ events…tell you all about dylan’s broken thumb…all about my next album project, which is now all but on the books to begin work towards, and whatever else i’ve missed…
…but right now, it’s just so hard to set aside that kind of time….
...from the rear view mirror 