hollywood squares

 

now playing: jackson browne, “before the deluge”

most folks who know me well know my stance on forwarded emails…but this one slipped through the security system today, and it killed me. i remember most of these folks, i’m afraid.

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If you remember the original Hollywood Squares, its host Peter Marshall, and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when “Hollywood Squares” game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull as they are now.

Unfortunately, Peter Marshall (who asked these questions), as well as most of the respondents, are no longer with us.

Q: Do female frogs croak?

Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q: True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q: You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake!

Q: According to Cosmo magazine, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?

Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q: What are “Do It,” “I Can Help,” and “I Can’t Get Enough”?

George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hand while talking?

Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget!

Q: Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?

Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q: Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.

Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting “Poo! Poo! Poo!” What does this mean?

George Gobel: Cattle crossing.

Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q: In bowling, what’s a perfect score?

Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

Charley Weaver: His feet!