now playing: shawn colvin, “never saw blue like that”
i wonder this morning, as i take in all the editorial remarks about the sunburn i brought to work with me today, if people can tell (from the gradient redness that runs from one side of my face to the other) which side of the bleachers i was sitting in at the baseball game yesterday.
(left field bleachers, by the deck….fyi.)
oddly, it’s not as painful as i’d thought it would be – the only thing that really hurts is the top of my ears, and that’s only when i brush my hair or otherwise touch them.
the reading phillies got their asses kicked yesterday afternoon, outscored by almost two runs to one…but they managed to pull out a victory on saturday night, at the game that my buddy mitch and i went to. i made a friend of a little guy named shawn, who – in hindsight – probably had too much energy for nine innings’ worth of sitting quietly, so we entertained each other for quite some time.
managed to spend some quality time with wendy over the weekend – we squeezed in a boehringer’s trip on saturday, and i took her to the afternoon game with me yesterday…we went furniture shopping for some time afterwards, as well. and, as is par for the course where we’re concerned, we managed to stay up talking until 4:20AM at least one night this weekend.
i know, i know…you couldn’t possibly ask a single question that hasn’t already been floated, much less the popular one – “why couldn’t we have done all this before we split up?”
(visualize richard dawson gesturing over his shoulder, mumbling, “the survey SAYS….” – and the little bells going off as the number one answer plaque flips over…)
and honestly, i’m not sure. i don’t know what the big obstacle was to jumping into this and getting our feet wet and dealing with these problems before we let things get so far away from us. anger. resentment. spite. all of the above.
it’s a huge weight that’s being lifted, though – in having been willing to take the time and summon the courage to “say all the things we never said”. i’ve said to several people privately that if she’d had the means to get out of the house within a few days of our having decided to split, we’d never have gotten the chance to mend our fences and make peace with one another.
it’s a good place we’re in right now.
but (and you knew there’d be a BUT…) – there’s still some work to be done. some issues that haven’t really been addressed yet. some people other than the two of us who affect our relationship that have to be talked to and reasoned with and such.
and yeah – parts of it are daunting. some of it has the potential to get ugly, even.
but – one of the positive things about doing it from a distance (meaning separate homes) is that there are neutral corners to retreat to, and we both have our own spaces to take solace and shelter in until such time as a direction becomes apparent to us, whether it be alone or together.
there’s considerable comfort in the knowledge that we don’t have to rush to fix everything right now, and that we can deal with each other on a pace that’s acceptable to both of us – as opposed to beating each other up and racing for some imperceptible finish line.
this is not to say that we have all the time in the world – i know that wendy wants certain things out of life that won’t wait forever for her to move toward, and that’s been discussed as well. and we both have other parts of our lives that advance whether we like it or not, and we have to deal with those things as they come up…but we seem to be cultivating a sense of security, a few steps at a time, every time we sit down to talk and don’t end up succumbing to the urge to run away or turn our backs on each other.
and having said all that, i’ll shut up now…having already said before that i planned to limit these kinds of entries.
there are other things to discuss, to be certain – but i’m not sure where to start on some of them.
i plan on seeking some counsel before going into detail here…as i’m still not sure if i’m doing the right thing or not.
yeah, yeah, yeah…if you wanna know, tune in later.