don’t make me come OVER there…

 

 

now playing: clannad, “almost feels too late to turn”

 

so it stands to reason that the day i get my van back, the furnace goes.

i woke up yesterday morning oblivious to the fact that there was no heat in the house until i got into the shower and whatever warm water there had been had been purged from the pipes and the, shall we say, non-warm water took its place. at that point, the problem had my full attention. i jumped out (quickly) and called the kids’ mom to tell her what was going on and have her come pick them up so they wouldn’t have to go through the same ritual before going to school yesterday. the level in the oil tank was low – we weren’t out, but it was very close – so i called and arranged for an emergency delivery, thinking that the problem was in the level of oil in the tank. they came at around noon, primed and restarted the boiler, and it kicked back on and we were in business – when i came home yesterday afternoon to get my checkbook before picking up the van, it was plenty warm in the house, and it was fine all night last night. yet this morning, again, there’s no heat and no hot water.

i don’t feel so cold as one would think – i don’t know if it’s a tolerance built up from a couple of weeks of walking home from the bus stop, or if it’s just my natural inclination to run a few degrees above normal, but i’ve been ok so far this morning. i sent wendy off to work since she was a sport and stayed home yesterday to take care of things, and today i have to step up and deal with the problem…and i’ve been alright thus far, but my fingers are starting to tingle a bit now, and it’s getting a little uncomfortable. i think i’m going to have to confine myself to a room and plug in the space heater soon.

this will be the second day in two weeks i’ve missed, although i do plan on going in and getting a couple of projects finished – i’ve been tasked with documenting all the procedures for the backup for our ISO certification, and i had promised it by the end of the day yesterday. then, of course, once i opened my mouth, i got a rash of service calls, and then had to go pick up the van, which took longer than it should have. i stayed last night and worked on it, but then i had to leave and go to darryl’s for a bit before coming home…thinking that i could finish it today.

once again, fate steps in and slaps me with a nice, loud “that’s what you get for thinking”.

in wendy and tom news, wendy told me last night that her parents are planning on buying an investment property with their share of her grandmothers’ estate – and that, in considering the turn of events here, they’ve decided to buy something here for a short-term investment so that she can have a place to stay, and then sell it when she finishes college and gets her teaching certificate (the same college/teaching certificate plan that she abandoned after receiving my blessing to take off work for over a year and a half in 2002/2003 – that’s a song i’ve heard before, but this is no longer my problem or concern). anyway, they’ve apparently been looking at properties via the internet and have had no luck doing so that way, so they’re planning a visit. wendy doesn’t know when yet, but it’s obviously going to be sooner than later.

i think she anticipated that i’d have a problem with them staying here – i don’t. i won’t, however, stay here while they’re here. not because i have a problem with either of them – i actually like her parents a great deal – but based on some of the things wendy has told me that she’s said to them in conversation, i think it’d be best if i find somewhere else to stay while they’re here. one thing in particular – she said that her mom had said to her that “it was a good thing we don’t live close because your father was pretty pissed at tom last night”, or something to that extent…and her father is a pretty even-keeled guy, so it must’ve been some grade-A “my husband is an asshole” stuff.

her father, mark, actually called me at work quite some time ago, and we had a long discussion about the merits and challenges of being mr. wendy gilbert, and it felt (at the time) like a productive conversation…i can’t imagine he’s unaware of the perils and pitfalls of being mr. wendy. after all, he was standing right next to her as she screamed at me at the top of her lungs right before i drove away from her during one of our visits to maine some time back…they’ve seen it firsthand. they must know.

and yet somehow, she’s managed to torque this guy up over the phone to the point that he would’ve considered paying me a little visit not long ago, had it been realistic to do so. i mean, i actually joked with her (before i knew this and as we were beginning to have “the talks”) that her dad was probably going to make a couple of phone calls and i’d probably end up in Gitmo (he’s retired from a very high position in the military), but i had no idea at the time that any of what she’d told me had gone down.

so, needless to say, i’m not necessarily jumping at the chance to welcome two more sets of judging eyes into the house so everyone can take turns talking about what a huge fucking disappointment i’ve been – so i think i’ll scout out a sofa and a bathroom elsewhere for a few days.

wendy is NOT HAPPY about this – she seems to think i have no reason to feel this way, and that there wouldn’t be a problem at all – and i can’t help but sense a teensy bit of delusion on that line of thinking. i’m a parent, and i can’t say that i’d feel or behave any differently than i’m sure mark and joanne have felt (and could possibly behave, under the proper set of circumstances) in the same situation. so why invite trouble? we have to get used to this sooner or later anyway, right?

ironically, one of the things i said to chris yesterday during a rare lengthy conversation was that i think that all of us care (a great deal more than we’re willing to admit to anyone) what other people think of us – and i’m certain that that’s playing a large role in my decision to get out of the way of this. although, in this situation, it might be more accurate to say that i care about how what they think of me might play itself out in my presence. i can’t change what they think of me, and at this point in time, with the actual countdown clock already ticking on Tom and Wendy, it doesn’t feel relevant or important. i don’t feel any need to try and tell my side of the story, or defend my actions…it just seems like a waste of time.

the other day, wendy started to criticize me for airing our difficulties to other people (a certain person in particular she seemed more concerned with than others), and i felt as though i needed to turn the tables and run off a list of names of her friends and confidants (to include exes) and ask who she’d confided in, and i found that it wasn’t necessarily a very short list…and that’s fine. that’s the way this works – when we’re hurt or disappointed, we turn to people that we know will provide a sympathetic ear. if you have a conflict with someone, you’re not going to get a shoulder from the person you have the conflict with. it doesn’t work that way. so you go elsewhere.

however, i think that if you took a survey of some of the people around me, you’d have a hard time finding anyone to tell you that i’ve disparaged her in any way, said anything that was attacking or hurtful – it’s just not necessary, and it doesn’t fix anything and i don’t feel better for having done it. the stock explanation has essentially been that she and i have different expectations of what should be contributed to a relationship, and neither of us are doing much to live up to the others’, and there’s no sense in wasting any more of our time on a disappointing relationship…obviously you don’t read it the same way to everyone, and the conversation takes on a different tone (as opposed to the very “press release” feel of what i just said) with different people, but i haven’t felt the need to rehash any of the specific gripes i have, or read off my laundry list of “things that suck about wendy” or any of that shit.

but i’m not so confident that i’ve been extended the same courtesy.

otherwise, i don’t think i’d be getting visitors who’ve wanted, at various times in the very recent past, to kick my ass.

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