surreal yule



now playing: tim finn, “persuasion”


i can’t remember – certainly not in recent memory, anyway – a christmas that felt less like christmas than this one.

there are decorations in the yards in my neighborhood, and yet not only have i not put up a tree, i haven’t even given it a thought.

there are commercials on tv, songs all over the radio…those awful sweaters are starting to show up at work…

you know the ones. the ones with the little santa clauses and snowflakes and such embroidered onto them, or fastened to the front of them…my personal favorites are the ones with the bells. those awful fucking bells.

and it’s always women of at least 50 or so who wear these things…and i can’t help but wonder – do they go through life despising those things on other people like i do, only to arrive at some magical point in their evolution where they realize how horribly wrong they were and come to the conclusion that those jingly fuckin’ sweaters are just the coolest thing anyone could have ever come up with?

now, don’t get me wrong…if i ever reach such an age, i fully intend to dress like an old person. and i’ll make peace with it somehow. because there’s nothing less cool than an old person who slips on the leather pants or the hiphugger jeans and tries to be something they’re not. that’s both incredibly tacky and poignantly sad, at the same time.

but if you ever see me manning the salvation army kettle at the supermarket wearing a red and green jingly sweater, i’d appreciate it greatly if you’d take the time to gently put down your groceries and strangle me.

anyway, clothing choices aside – i’m still not sure why it is, but christmas seems like something other people are doing this year.

i think that part of it lies in the fact that my children are older, and have different expectations of the holiday than they did when they were younger. they’re at the “money age”…they just want money so they can buy their own stuff.

and that’s fine – hell, i can relate…i usually buy my own gifts, because no one knows what i want better than i would. and i’ve been perfectly happy with that arrangement for some years now. but i’ve always managed to come up with things for them that they either didn’t know they wanted or needed, or didn’t know i was getting them…but that seems farther out of reach for me with each year that passes, and with its’ accompanying accumulation of familial age. i get older, they get older, and it feels like the chasm between us gets a little larger and more awkward when this time of year rolls around…and it becomes apparent just how much less enthralled we all are by the whole christmas process.

maybe next year.

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