closing the door on chestnut street



now playing: air america radio


tonight, wendy and i put the finishing touches on the final cleanup of the house at 511 chestnut street…the house where i no longer live, as of about half an hour ago.

some spackling, some heavy carpet cleaning, and that was it…take the keys off my keyring, leave it on the bannister…and close the door behind me.

now, let’s get one thing straight…the house where we now live is amazing. it’s got twice the room, it’s beautiful, it’s in a great neighborhood, and once everything is squared away here, it’s gonna be home. i don’t doubt that.

but it was actually hard to drive away from there tonight.

i still have to consciously think about driving home from work…i have to remind myself not to go back to the old house. and i think that this adjustment has been harder because this wasn’t a compulsory move, or a situation where we had to leave for some other reason, other than our own choice to do so. this house became available, and we decided to move based on the merits of the new house.

dylan signed off on it…but i’ve noticed in the time since that he seems to miss living at the old house. he had a “posse” there, and i know that he misses his friends in the old neighborhood. we’re not that far away from the old house, and i’ve committed to help him keep in touch, but he hasn’t asked to go there very much in the time since we’ve moved.

so i know that dylan misses the old house. i’d feel better if i could say the same thing, but the truth is, i don’t miss the house at all.

i think it’s just a nostalgia thing…it’ll pass.

i’ve lived in five different places now, though, since having moved out of the house i shared with the mother of my kids…not much to show in the way of consistency, i guess. i suppose i’ve always forced them to turn to their mom for that. now, they’re both smack-dab in the middle of their adolescent years, and i wonder how much they’d allow themselves to rely on me for that at this point, anyway.

i know they rely on me for other things…i’m not slipping into a self-pity fit or anything like that. in truth, i’m not sure why i’m even thinking of all this…save for having closed the door on a particular chapter of my life this evening.

sheesh…i said i was going to bed. i think i’d better act on that.


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