now playing: aunt pat, “fire”
if i hadn’t had to go to the bathroom when i woke up this morning, i probably would have called off work.
is that pathetic or what?
i woke up with the full intention of calling off. i’m just completely out of gas, physically and emotionally. i was planning on sleeping until noon and spending the day shiftlessly cleaning the basement and feeling sorry for myself, but when i hit the snooze button the last time, i realized that i kinda needed to go to the bathroom, and once in there i just went ahead and jumped in the shower. At that point, there wasn’t much use in going back to bed.
yesterday was exhausting. i feel useless at work, because we haven’t really been able to unpack yet, and there are only certain things i can get done as a result. so at almost precisely the moment that wendy calls to tell me she’s here with the car, an engineer walks in and hands me a stack of drawings for a project i’ve been involuntarily sucked into and proceeds to start asking questions…as he’s sitting at my desk, i get an email from dylan’s english teacher, telling me that dylan has gotten detention for failure to make up required work, and for not keeping his notes in order. as steve is sitting here asking questions about controller interfaces and such, i can feel the blood drain from my face in anger…i’m surprised he didn’t say anything about it, but he left not long afterward.
so then, of course, i have to race out to the parking lot to take wendy to work at the library – and i’m so pissed i can’t even talk, really. luckily, she’s become adept at realizing when to push the issue and when not to, so we rode to the library in silence. after i dropped her off, i went to the house and retrieved the email and printed a copy of it, adding some choice words of my own, and then taped it to the door at his mothers’ house.
to say that i was pissed would be something of an understatement.
see, here’s the thing.
i’ve scheduled conferences already, with the two teachers who are burdened with the daunting task of trying to educate my son, in between parent teacher conferences already, to no avail. i’ve held back things from him, with zero effect. he’s missed out on things that would’ve been his for the asking, without any real results.
i’m truly starting to wonder what it is that i have to do to get through to him.
it’s not that he’s stupid, not by any stretch – he’s actually very bright. but his head isn’t in it. he constantly forgets things – his bus pass, his key, his bookbag, his coat – and then trys to gloss over it by lying.
that’s the thing that really makes me see red…the lying.
this is a kid that will stand in front of you holding a half eaten sandwich in his hand and tell you to your face that he hasn’t eaten anything all day. he will tell you, with utmost sincerity, that black is white, up is down, and left is actually right…and convince you that he believes it himself.
now, were i twelve years old, if i had the knowledge that my mother or father had a direct line to my teachers and could double check anything i said, i’d be mighty careful of what i said to my parents, for fear of being caught or found out.
not him. he’s as brazen a fibber as i’ve ever seen, adult or child.
the stakes are pretty high for him, and he knows this…i bought him a guitar that he’s wanted since before christmas – a faded cherry gibson flying v – and was planning on giving it to him for his birthday. i’d already called the guy i bought it from and made plans to meet him yesterday to pay him for the guitar and pick it up, in fact. i had told him, after his last report card, that he wouldn’t lay eyes on it until i saw his next report card, but since he’d been making what i perceived as an improved effort, i was going to give it to him for his birthday.
but he blew it.
now, i’m actually considering selling the guitar.
lord knows, it’s not something i’d play.
and obviously, based on his behavior, it’s not that important to him.
but i’m still on the fence.
his mother has taken away his Yu-gi-oh cards and his Playstation priveleges for the rest of the school year. I’m taking away his Playstation priveleges, and am holding his birthday money from him (a sizable sum for a 12 year old…if i’d gotten a fraction of the $125 he was going to get at that age, i’d have soiled my undies). i’m considering removing the tv and computer from his room, as well. i’m pretty sure he keeps all his cards together, so i won’t have to take them from him at my house as well.
so, at this point, the only thing he has left to lose is the guitar.
what else do you take from the guy who has nothing left?
i hate this. i really do.
this is my absolute least favorite part of being a parent.