perhaps a regret or two…

now playing: jim photoglo, “we were meant to be lovers”

they say that hindsight is always 20/20.

in working so much on this book lately, and thinking about the events that led into and out of my stab at commercial success as a musician…combined with the recent onslaught of celebrity personalities like paris hilton* and everyone’s favorite sulker eminem* being bitten in the ass by past indiscretions, i have to wonder:

would it have helped my chances for success if i’d done a lot more stupid stuff when i was younger?

i mean, we all know from our experiences in life that there are decisions that we make that affect the rest of our lives in some way or another…even decisions that seemed somewhat insignificant at the time. but, as the news is pointing out to us – there are some things that just seem destined to come back to haunt you.

by now, you’d think that it’d be a no brainer to never, ever videotape yourself doin’ the nasty. it would appear that ms. hilton never heard of pamela anderson and tommy lee, or tonya harding…and she’s not old enough to remember the whole rob lowe episode, i guess…

so that’s my downfall, where my old aspirations are concerned. i never rolled tape. it’s not that i never did anything stupid or childish, i just never documented myself for posterity in full reproductive splendor.

having said this, i think it’s time to relive the dream. i’m gonna write a batch of new songs and start shopping them around and start psyching myself up to make a new record. maybe i’ll write one or two that make plentiful use of the “N” word and deride a few racial or religious groups…

at the same time, i’m gonna videotape myself having sex with as many different women as i possibly can. wendy, you’re just gonna have to bear with me on this one. i may not get another shot. and while whatever recognition my actual talent receives from the whole process will be fleeting, at least i can entertain the strong possibility of becoming governor of california later in life.

in fact, i might get an early start on picking a running mate…so if anyone has kato kaelin’s phone number, hook me up. i don’t think joey buttafuoco would identify with west coast voters…sorry, man.

anyway, back to my point….

if you’re interested in being videotaped having sex with me, drop me an email. i’ll do my best to squeeze you in as soon as possible.

if you’re reading this, anna nichole smith – i’m afraid you’re not eligible for this offer. sorry.

or…what the hell. maybe you are.

*these are CNN links, and as such will expire, oh…probably before i’m done typing…

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