….when ya just don’t give a fuck about anything.
this is turnin’ into one of those weeks.
work is insane – i have so much shit to do that i don’t know where to start. it’s gonna be a long night tonight…i have to drive to pottstown to pick up a deposit for a computer i’m building, i need to stop off and drop off a pair of demo cd’s at places we’re entertaining thoughts of playing, and i have two dead machines on my bench that need to be returned to their spots underneath desks by tomorrow morning first thing…
so that’s my night, sewn up neatly right there.
and yet here i sit, clickin’ away…as if i had nothing better to do.
this is my own little manic streak, personified…insisting on feeling the weight of the world, whether it’s mine to carry or not on a given day…today, i’m takin’ it on.
i slip into this from time to time…these little extended “funks”…this one seems to be of the extra funky variety, though…the slightly more intense, somewhat dangerous kind.
but, they say, this too shall pass.
got an unexpected phone call from my old buddy jodi last night – jodi, my singin’ buddy from wales, who later became my sister in law for a short period of time…she wants to make a record.
and of course, i said, i’m completely up to the task.
i think she initially wanted to go all out – mastering, duplication, artwork, the whole nine yards – until i gave her a figure for what that part of it costs…then i think she started thinking a little more “indie”like.
we talked a little bit about what songs she wants to record, things like that – so she’s swirling some tunes around in her head and waiting to see what floats to the top. there are some givens that we’ll do, i’m sure, and some stuff that i might not see coming in a million years, but we’ll see…i think it’ll be fun.
everything that strikes me as “fun” right now, though, seems to be future tense…i can do this, and it’ll be fun, but i can’t do it until (insert excuse here), or i could do that for a while and that’d be cool, but not until (insert more pressing need of your choice). and every time i walk into my house and look around, i just feel totally defeated before i even start to do anything. i remember looking at the house in its empty state before we moved in, thinking, “we’ll never outgrow this place….”
how’s that for delusional thinking….
every inch, every nook, every cranny of the house that i live in is filled with shit. some of it useful shit, some of it shit that i touch and utilize for something every day, but much of it just plain old stuff. just crap that’s accumulated over time. i’ve never been terribly organized, and i’ll never, ever be clutter free. but i just can’t figure out where to put anything anymore. there are so many cd’s in our house that the only hope is to go to a wall height shelf unit, like the one my buddy todd has in his office…but that’s not feasible in the living room, due to the proliferation of bookshelves already lining every available inch of free wallspace, filled with books and pictures and knick-knacks (much as i hate that word, i hate the things defined by it even more…the absolute epitome of uselessness).
and somehow, for every item i put up for sale on eBay, i grow two more new ones. just bought a poster from the 1976 knebworth festival the other day that’s still in the cardboard it came in. i have a couple others that i intend to frame and hang in the studio…
and if you were listening closely, you just heard another square foot of asphalt being laid on the road to hell. at least my good intentions are good for something.
back to work now. it’ll be morning soon enough.